Merry Christmas

Yesterday was a beautiful day. I had some concerns that my joy would be eclipsed by grief, but God gave me grace all day to enjoy His lavish blessings. Joy and sorrow were inseperable and it was beautiful.

After a big meal and more presents than I could handle, I craved a nap before church but there was something I wanted to do more than sleep. Last week, I got the idea of wearing a necklace with all my babies' birth stones. We don't have a lot of money right now, but I found some crystal charms on ebay for $1.50 each. I ordered them, but to my disappoinment they clumped together so you couldn't see all of them at once. Jeremy had the idea of separating them with silver beads (what would I do without him!). So 20 minutes before it closed, I went to Michael's to find just the right silver beads. Here is the result:

It's a simple necklace. No one would notice it; especially since it sort of matched my green dress. But it felt wonderful to take my babies to church with me on Christmas. It was fun to share the experience with Meredith. She kept asking which charm was for which baby. She likes Selah's green "emerald" better than her "diamond". I chose to use stones from the months they would have been born (it's just simpler that way). Meredith helped me string the beads and charms on a chain. When it was finished she said, "All your little sweeties!" How blessed I am to have these three "sweeties"!

Christmas Eve services always choke me up. The church is filled to capacity, the message never gets old and the songs are transcendent. I teared up a little early last night. The opening prayer acknowledged our loved ones who made it to heaven before us: "Finally, let us remember before God all those who rejoice with us in heaven, who live in greater light than we... and who live before the throne o f God and praise Him each day in His temple. We confess that we are united with them as we are united with one another. " I can't describe how I felt that moment. I felt God's comforting presence and permission encouragement to rejoice over things to come. It was a sweet moment of fresh revelation that "He comes to make His blessings flow far as the curse if found." I was so concerned about facing the contrast of the joy of Christmas with my pain of loss, but what I found is that sorrow creates longing and Christmas offers the promise of all longings fulfilled. My sorrow opened my eyes to see more clearly the joy of what God accomplished through Jesus.

After the service I visited with friends including one woman whom I admire greatly. Her name is Shirley and she is probably in her eighties. She and her husband are generous, thoughtful and humble. I hope I can be like them some day. Shirley came over to us to wish us a Merry Christmas. Somehow she got to telling us about her daughter, Bonnie who died this year. She told us how Bonnie loved Christmas and how every year she baked for a month gave it all away. I don't pretend to know what Shirley is going through, but I recognize her need to remember her daughter's life here and also to acknowledge that her life continues in perfect peace and joy. With a smile on her face she said, "This Christmas is a celebration of Bonnie's death." Any other day I would have thought it strange that she said she was celebrating Bonnie's death since most people speak of celebrating a loved one's life. But this year I share a special bond with this grieving mother. Shirley and I both know death is just the beginning. We both know that Christmas points our grieving hearts heavenward.

Merry Christmas!