When I found out I lost my second baby, I knew I wanted to start a blog. I already knew what I was going to call it. "No Matter What" was a popular song during that pregnancy. It brought me comfort and took my focus off my fear and back on God's goodness where it belongs.
I was so scared of losing another baby. If you have ever been pregnant after a miscarriage, then you know the fear can be debilitating. I started out joyful, placing my trust in God because He showed me He was with me through my first loss. This peace only lasted a few days because old feelings and unhealed wounds began to torment me. It was easy to trust God with a theoretical child, but I was becoming attached to the one growing inside me.
Whenever "No Matter What" came on the radio, it was like a shelter from the storm. I loved the line, "Before a heartache can ever touch my life, it has to go through Your hands" It reminded me to be at rest. The chorus strengthened my resolve. With my first loss still fresh, walking with God day by day became one of the biggest challenges I've ever faced. Could I still pray "Thy will be done" when His will and my will might be vastly different? Would I still trust that God's will is best when I would give anything for a different outcome?
Peace came from knowing I can choose to trust that His will for me and His love for me are one and the same. I don't need to be tossed around by circumstances and feelings because I have His promises and a promise fulfilled when Jesus died and rose for me. When I lost my baby, the promises of God's love kept me afloat and they still sustain me as I grieve.
